Computer is Finally Fixed…kind of!

Ok, so that should explain the reason why I haven’t posted anything as of lately. My computer was down, and then a few weeks later my mom gave me her laptop, but it doesn’t have the programs I usually use to crop my photos with. So, even if I had some art to show, I wouldn’t feel comfortable showing it without cropping off the parts of my wall or couch or whatever that you don’t need to see.

But over Thanks Giving, I was able to get my computer fixed…just without the programs I used to have on it! ~head bows in defeat~ So, I’m using the laptop now, if only to have the wonderful use of the spell check from the word processor program…but I still need to transfer some files over if it’s going to become a permanent fixture. To do that, I need to find my thumb drive which is currently MIA after flying up to NY for my grandmother’s funeral.

OH SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!

Last month my grandmother turned 95, which we were all happy to hear about until a couple weeks later when her health took a turn for the worst. She lived a good, long life and according to the various people that talked to us about her, she knew how to light up the room and make everyone laugh. I know that I lived with her for a short time while I was finishing up my first degree and getting ready to transfer to another school, but I can honestly say that in that year or so…I didn’t really get to know her. Honestly, I wasn’t home often…in between classes and work that were both a good 30 to 40 minute drive away, and trying to hang out with friends when I had the time, Grandma and I didn’t spend a lot of time together. Really…the only thing I can remember of what little time was spent was in front of the TV on Saturday nights, watching the British comedy on, I think, PBS. Half of the time she’d fall asleep in her chair, or I’d hear the occasional release of gas…but over all, it was a good quiet time together.

And that’s how I want to remember her. I have to literally force myself to think of those times to get the image of her lying in a coffin out of my head. It just looked so creepy to see her there. A couple of my friends came during calling hours, and two of us held each other looking away while the other gave her respects. It just didn’t feel right.

The whole time up in my home town didn’t feel right. My family stayed at a former neighbor’s house, which was good and comfortable, but to me seemed…kind of in an odd time warped. When Dad and I drove through the back roads into town, a wonderful experience to see what it is I’m yearning to return to, we noted all the different changes in the city I grew up in. Tops is gone, Price Chopper is no longer where it used to be, all the bowling alleys have closed down, and the local ice cream shop is under new ownership with a completely different menu. Even the street I grew up in no longer has tall trees shading the lawns. They’ve all been cut down and replaced with saplings. All of those changes and yet our neighbor’s house looks the same.

There’s nothing wrong with it, mind you. Once you’re comfortable with something there’s no point in changing it, so please don’t take offense to the observation. I know once I’m settled down I won’t be changing much of anything myself. I just found it strange, probably in comparison to how often my mom changes everything in her own home. There was always an addition to put on the house I was growing up in, and when my sisters moved out, their bedrooms were renovated. I’m sure if they stayed in town long enough, my room would have met the same fate once I left. A constant change, which one could say is a good thing considering how often the times change our lives on us. The birth of a child, a death of a loved one, the union between two others, or perhaps a separation…but always changing.

Anyways, I’d like to thank you again, Mr. and Mrs. B, for letting us gather in your home while we dealt with the passing of our grandmother. (And a special thanks to you, Mrs. B, for letting me know what you thought about my writing.) It’s always good to know there are still people around that care and will help during the sad moments of our lives; as I learned when I got to see three of my good girl friends from high school as we got together for dinner. We played catch up, ate good food, and talked. Talked!

You learn to value a good conversation when you feel like you haven’t had one in a long time. Yes, I have my coworkers and my boyfriend, but when that’s the only life you have and the only people you interact with on a regular basis…there tends not to be much to talk about anymore. I’m sure it’s more of a comfort issue with me more than anything else, but there’s just some things I’d rather tell my best friend than my boss. Which is why I’ll be glad to be moving back in the direction of my home town within the next few months. I want to be closer to my friends, because honestly…I’m having a hard time getting up the nerve to make new ones.

David Sedaris best explains it in his book “When You are Engulfed in Flames”, a book my sister is letting me borrow…”Perhaps I’ve grown less likeable over the years, or maybe I’ve just forgotten how to meet people.”

My cousin’s husband came to sit with me, alone in the corner of the room while everyone was chatting it up at my grandmother’s wake. I know I was a bit standoffish, I will admit to that…but…him being nice to me kind of made him seem creepy to me. I’m sure it was all just a misunderstanding on my end, but for some reason, I’ve never been used to random strangers being nice to me. And to me, he was a stranger, though I’m sure there was a chance we’ve met before. When and where completely alludes me, because if it didn’t make that great of an impression on me, then I will apparently forget all about it. How sad is that? So now I have to apologize, practically to everyone of how rude I tend to be…just because slowly but surely people are unintentionally creeping me out on a regular basis.

And yet I feel more comfortable writing it all out for other people to read. I still enjoy role playing on the chat forums, and prefer to talk to people online instead of over the phone. Maybe I just don’t like the sound of my own voice, or more like the awkwardness I feel whenever I have a hard time saying what I want. Somehow, typing it all out just makes it…better. Then again, it could be the lack of interruptions I get on the computer instead of over the phone or in person. I never seem to be able to finish my thought while others ramble on and on. ~shrugs~ Who knows.

Anyways…I went to visit my friends for Thanks Giving, mostly to get my computer fixed, but also to get out of town for a short time and enjoy some friendly company…more so from their five cats than of them, strangely enough. It was a lot of driving on my part, separated by a day or so of being smothered by one cat’s need for affection and trying to figure out what was wrong with my computer. Emalia and I got to talking about some projects I was working on, and just before we left for their friend’s house for dinner, she handed me a sketch book and pen.

I had explained that I felt lacking in my observational drawing skills, and with a book my friend Kyla had given me, I was going to draw scenery and random portraits of people and put them in a separate blog here to give an idea of what I was doing and to see if I’m improving at all. Not only would it be observational in the drawing sense, but in writing as well…as I would be taking down notes to remind me of what was going on during the drawings. I also told Emalia, as I told Kyla this the last time we talked, that when I filled up the books, I would be sending them back to the people who gave them to me; as a thank you for getting me the materials kind of deal. Hence why Emalia gave me the book to begin with. Who doesn’t like free art, after all? And a whole sketch book, no less…which according to some, sometimes ends up being worth more than some single pieces. ^_~

Now I just need Photoshop again, so I can scan and crop my pictures the way I’m used to. ( Hint: Xmas is coming up! ) That…and a new monitor that’s way lighter than one I have now. I like the size of the screen ( THANK YOU, DAD! ) but it’s just so heavy. ( Here’s some more hinting. ) I struggled getting it to and from the car. Leif told me there were some flat screens for…well…closer to my price range, so we’ll see how things go after the holidays. ^_^

So…yeah. There’s my incomplete thoughts, ramblings, and hints for this time around. Hope I’ve caught you all up now. If not, that’s ok; it just means I’ll have something else to talk about later down the road!

Oh yeah! Check out my friend’s blog! He promoted me, so now I shall return the favor!
http://poorlyscrawledparchment.blogspot.com/