VENTING.

There’s a lot to be said about creating something from your emotions. I’m not one for obscure surrealism and abstract art, but when I’m really frustrated about something and too upset to make functioning words or complete sentences…it helps to be able to vent out on a piece of paper or canvas when you’ve got no secluded place to scream bloody murder without attracting any unwanted attention. Yes. For me, screaming and crying it all out for an extended period of time usually helps calm me down, but considering I live in an apartment complex with thin walls, in the middle of a city with no vehicle of my own to go and find a secluded area to get myself lost in…screaming the way I’d like to is simply not an option. It’s a driving force behind wanting to move. I just want to find a place where I can scream in peace.




Which would lead you to wonder what it is that I’m trying to scream about? I don’t want to go into the specific details, as it’s simply an accumulation of months worth of money related stress amongst a small group of people that are trying to see through hard times…yet again. It’s why I hate money. Quite literally. I know I wouldn’t be able to survive well if we were back in a system that didn’t require currency, as I’ve learned from my own experiences that my art isn’t worth much to anyone outside of family and friends, but at least I believe that I would have picked up a different set of skills to better suit my needs. I have a feeling that as much as I love my art, that I’m glad I spent the time to learn and better my work, a part of me wishes that I had pursued something a bit more practical to pay the bills.

Ah well, here’s hoping that what mistakes I learned in this life will help me do better in the next. And I’m sure several people will tell me I can make the changes needed to find a better job, as I’ve seen not only my older sister but one of my best friends do it…I, myself, simply don’t have the motivation…aspiration…the gun-ho to go after the better life. I’m simply tired…lazy…and enjoy some of my own bad habits a bit more than anything else. I’m not living a financially good life, but I’m getting by, and am ok with it.

And no, I’m not asking for donations or hand outs. I get enough help as it were…you know who you are, and I will never be able to thank you enough. I’m just simply venting to help calm me down.


And for those who were wondering what happened to the kitten from my birthday? I’ve named her Kao K’o Kung…Koko for short; after the male Siamese cat from Lilian Jackson Braun’s ‘The Cat Who…’ murder mystery books. The character himself was named after a 13th century Chinese artist…and as my boss had already started calling her Koko when she found her, and I like reading the series as well, I figured…why not?




However, we’re always joking how we should have named her something else. My boss says Angel, because she believes it was divine providence that she saw her through her kitchen window at all. The ledge Koko was on was taller than my boss, as is the window, and she normally doesn’t look out of it. But in all honesty, she’s really a hell raiser. My boyfriend says Mazda, because she’s a little ‘Zoom Zoom’ kitty…running around the apartment at top speeds and always underfoot when you least expect it. My mother says Kismet, primarily in a non-religious sense of divine providence. But she’s annoyed now with the fact that I’ve three cats whose names start with the K sound…but aren’t all spelled with a K. It confuses her when she’s trying to sign birthday cards for them. “Is it Big C or Big K…wait…so it’s two K’s now? Or two C’s?” Eventually I’ll have them send her a card so she has a reference to check from.




Either way, we’re keeping her, because all in all…she’s just irresistible. My vet joked that our neighbors were going to start whispering about us…since she’s officially our fourth cat now. Then I told him about my brother-in-law that just got his third and fourth kittens recently, only to say that he’s got two more kittens on reserve from another co-worker’s cat that’s pregnant. I think my sister is intervening on this one, though. That, and I’ve got a couple of friends’ who recently bought a house, let a friend of theirs move in with her two or three cats. My friends already have four. Yeah…I hear they’re having a fun time with that.




All and all…I’m feeling better now. Thank you. Venting is such a wonderful thing.