Computer is Finally Fixed…kind of!

Ok, so that should explain the reason why I haven’t posted anything as of lately. My computer was down, and then a few weeks later my mom gave me her laptop, but it doesn’t have the programs I usually use to crop my photos with. So, even if I had some art to show, I wouldn’t feel comfortable showing it without cropping off the parts of my wall or couch or whatever that you don’t need to see.

But over Thanks Giving, I was able to get my computer fixed…just without the programs I used to have on it! ~head bows in defeat~ So, I’m using the laptop now, if only to have the wonderful use of the spell check from the word processor program…but I still need to transfer some files over if it’s going to become a permanent fixture. To do that, I need to find my thumb drive which is currently MIA after flying up to NY for my grandmother’s funeral.

OH SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!

Last month my grandmother turned 95, which we were all happy to hear about until a couple weeks later when her health took a turn for the worst. She lived a good, long life and according to the various people that talked to us about her, she knew how to light up the room and make everyone laugh. I know that I lived with her for a short time while I was finishing up my first degree and getting ready to transfer to another school, but I can honestly say that in that year or so…I didn’t really get to know her. Honestly, I wasn’t home often…in between classes and work that were both a good 30 to 40 minute drive away, and trying to hang out with friends when I had the time, Grandma and I didn’t spend a lot of time together. Really…the only thing I can remember of what little time was spent was in front of the TV on Saturday nights, watching the British comedy on, I think, PBS. Half of the time she’d fall asleep in her chair, or I’d hear the occasional release of gas…but over all, it was a good quiet time together.

And that’s how I want to remember her. I have to literally force myself to think of those times to get the image of her lying in a coffin out of my head. It just looked so creepy to see her there. A couple of my friends came during calling hours, and two of us held each other looking away while the other gave her respects. It just didn’t feel right.

The whole time up in my home town didn’t feel right. My family stayed at a former neighbor’s house, which was good and comfortable, but to me seemed…kind of in an odd time warped. When Dad and I drove through the back roads into town, a wonderful experience to see what it is I’m yearning to return to, we noted all the different changes in the city I grew up in. Tops is gone, Price Chopper is no longer where it used to be, all the bowling alleys have closed down, and the local ice cream shop is under new ownership with a completely different menu. Even the street I grew up in no longer has tall trees shading the lawns. They’ve all been cut down and replaced with saplings. All of those changes and yet our neighbor’s house looks the same.

There’s nothing wrong with it, mind you. Once you’re comfortable with something there’s no point in changing it, so please don’t take offense to the observation. I know once I’m settled down I won’t be changing much of anything myself. I just found it strange, probably in comparison to how often my mom changes everything in her own home. There was always an addition to put on the house I was growing up in, and when my sisters moved out, their bedrooms were renovated. I’m sure if they stayed in town long enough, my room would have met the same fate once I left. A constant change, which one could say is a good thing considering how often the times change our lives on us. The birth of a child, a death of a loved one, the union between two others, or perhaps a separation…but always changing.

Anyways, I’d like to thank you again, Mr. and Mrs. B, for letting us gather in your home while we dealt with the passing of our grandmother. (And a special thanks to you, Mrs. B, for letting me know what you thought about my writing.) It’s always good to know there are still people around that care and will help during the sad moments of our lives; as I learned when I got to see three of my good girl friends from high school as we got together for dinner. We played catch up, ate good food, and talked. Talked!

You learn to value a good conversation when you feel like you haven’t had one in a long time. Yes, I have my coworkers and my boyfriend, but when that’s the only life you have and the only people you interact with on a regular basis…there tends not to be much to talk about anymore. I’m sure it’s more of a comfort issue with me more than anything else, but there’s just some things I’d rather tell my best friend than my boss. Which is why I’ll be glad to be moving back in the direction of my home town within the next few months. I want to be closer to my friends, because honestly…I’m having a hard time getting up the nerve to make new ones.

David Sedaris best explains it in his book “When You are Engulfed in Flames”, a book my sister is letting me borrow…”Perhaps I’ve grown less likeable over the years, or maybe I’ve just forgotten how to meet people.”

My cousin’s husband came to sit with me, alone in the corner of the room while everyone was chatting it up at my grandmother’s wake. I know I was a bit standoffish, I will admit to that…but…him being nice to me kind of made him seem creepy to me. I’m sure it was all just a misunderstanding on my end, but for some reason, I’ve never been used to random strangers being nice to me. And to me, he was a stranger, though I’m sure there was a chance we’ve met before. When and where completely alludes me, because if it didn’t make that great of an impression on me, then I will apparently forget all about it. How sad is that? So now I have to apologize, practically to everyone of how rude I tend to be…just because slowly but surely people are unintentionally creeping me out on a regular basis.

And yet I feel more comfortable writing it all out for other people to read. I still enjoy role playing on the chat forums, and prefer to talk to people online instead of over the phone. Maybe I just don’t like the sound of my own voice, or more like the awkwardness I feel whenever I have a hard time saying what I want. Somehow, typing it all out just makes it…better. Then again, it could be the lack of interruptions I get on the computer instead of over the phone or in person. I never seem to be able to finish my thought while others ramble on and on. ~shrugs~ Who knows.

Anyways…I went to visit my friends for Thanks Giving, mostly to get my computer fixed, but also to get out of town for a short time and enjoy some friendly company…more so from their five cats than of them, strangely enough. It was a lot of driving on my part, separated by a day or so of being smothered by one cat’s need for affection and trying to figure out what was wrong with my computer. Emalia and I got to talking about some projects I was working on, and just before we left for their friend’s house for dinner, she handed me a sketch book and pen.

I had explained that I felt lacking in my observational drawing skills, and with a book my friend Kyla had given me, I was going to draw scenery and random portraits of people and put them in a separate blog here to give an idea of what I was doing and to see if I’m improving at all. Not only would it be observational in the drawing sense, but in writing as well…as I would be taking down notes to remind me of what was going on during the drawings. I also told Emalia, as I told Kyla this the last time we talked, that when I filled up the books, I would be sending them back to the people who gave them to me; as a thank you for getting me the materials kind of deal. Hence why Emalia gave me the book to begin with. Who doesn’t like free art, after all? And a whole sketch book, no less…which according to some, sometimes ends up being worth more than some single pieces. ^_~

Now I just need Photoshop again, so I can scan and crop my pictures the way I’m used to. ( Hint: Xmas is coming up! ) That…and a new monitor that’s way lighter than one I have now. I like the size of the screen ( THANK YOU, DAD! ) but it’s just so heavy. ( Here’s some more hinting. ) I struggled getting it to and from the car. Leif told me there were some flat screens for…well…closer to my price range, so we’ll see how things go after the holidays. ^_^

So…yeah. There’s my incomplete thoughts, ramblings, and hints for this time around. Hope I’ve caught you all up now. If not, that’s ok; it just means I’ll have something else to talk about later down the road!

Oh yeah! Check out my friend’s blog! He promoted me, so now I shall return the favor!
http://poorlyscrawledparchment.blogspot.com/

VENTING.

There’s a lot to be said about creating something from your emotions. I’m not one for obscure surrealism and abstract art, but when I’m really frustrated about something and too upset to make functioning words or complete sentences…it helps to be able to vent out on a piece of paper or canvas when you’ve got no secluded place to scream bloody murder without attracting any unwanted attention. Yes. For me, screaming and crying it all out for an extended period of time usually helps calm me down, but considering I live in an apartment complex with thin walls, in the middle of a city with no vehicle of my own to go and find a secluded area to get myself lost in…screaming the way I’d like to is simply not an option. It’s a driving force behind wanting to move. I just want to find a place where I can scream in peace.




Which would lead you to wonder what it is that I’m trying to scream about? I don’t want to go into the specific details, as it’s simply an accumulation of months worth of money related stress amongst a small group of people that are trying to see through hard times…yet again. It’s why I hate money. Quite literally. I know I wouldn’t be able to survive well if we were back in a system that didn’t require currency, as I’ve learned from my own experiences that my art isn’t worth much to anyone outside of family and friends, but at least I believe that I would have picked up a different set of skills to better suit my needs. I have a feeling that as much as I love my art, that I’m glad I spent the time to learn and better my work, a part of me wishes that I had pursued something a bit more practical to pay the bills.

Ah well, here’s hoping that what mistakes I learned in this life will help me do better in the next. And I’m sure several people will tell me I can make the changes needed to find a better job, as I’ve seen not only my older sister but one of my best friends do it…I, myself, simply don’t have the motivation…aspiration…the gun-ho to go after the better life. I’m simply tired…lazy…and enjoy some of my own bad habits a bit more than anything else. I’m not living a financially good life, but I’m getting by, and am ok with it.

And no, I’m not asking for donations or hand outs. I get enough help as it were…you know who you are, and I will never be able to thank you enough. I’m just simply venting to help calm me down.


And for those who were wondering what happened to the kitten from my birthday? I’ve named her Kao K’o Kung…Koko for short; after the male Siamese cat from Lilian Jackson Braun’s ‘The Cat Who…’ murder mystery books. The character himself was named after a 13th century Chinese artist…and as my boss had already started calling her Koko when she found her, and I like reading the series as well, I figured…why not?




However, we’re always joking how we should have named her something else. My boss says Angel, because she believes it was divine providence that she saw her through her kitchen window at all. The ledge Koko was on was taller than my boss, as is the window, and she normally doesn’t look out of it. But in all honesty, she’s really a hell raiser. My boyfriend says Mazda, because she’s a little ‘Zoom Zoom’ kitty…running around the apartment at top speeds and always underfoot when you least expect it. My mother says Kismet, primarily in a non-religious sense of divine providence. But she’s annoyed now with the fact that I’ve three cats whose names start with the K sound…but aren’t all spelled with a K. It confuses her when she’s trying to sign birthday cards for them. “Is it Big C or Big K…wait…so it’s two K’s now? Or two C’s?” Eventually I’ll have them send her a card so she has a reference to check from.




Either way, we’re keeping her, because all in all…she’s just irresistible. My vet joked that our neighbors were going to start whispering about us…since she’s officially our fourth cat now. Then I told him about my brother-in-law that just got his third and fourth kittens recently, only to say that he’s got two more kittens on reserve from another co-worker’s cat that’s pregnant. I think my sister is intervening on this one, though. That, and I’ve got a couple of friends’ who recently bought a house, let a friend of theirs move in with her two or three cats. My friends already have four. Yeah…I hear they’re having a fun time with that.




All and all…I’m feeling better now. Thank you. Venting is such a wonderful thing.

Bike Fenders

Ok, so any shop that specializes in something as specific as train hobby supplies is going to have a steady flow of regulars, either from the city itself or from the neighboring counties…especially since train hobby shops are becoming harder to come by. Well, with painting my boss’ apron, I’ve had favorable reviews of my work from some of these guys and gals and managed to land myself a commission for a couple of bike fenders. Yes…bike fenders. Two of our customers occasionally come in on their motorcycles, one of which let me ride with him once…though he admitted that he was just trying to get a cute girl on the back of his bike. ~snickers~




I’ve created designs before, mostly for tattoos more than anything else, so making up a design for a bike fender wasn’t all that hard. Getting it on the bike fender…is another story. Thankfully, my boyfriend is similar to a handy man, and helped prepare the fender for me to paint on…and then finished it when I was done. This is a good thing for a girl that doesn’t have any shop skills. ^_^ The experience only made us realize that we need a bigger living space…or a garage to work on such projects in. This design belongs to ‘Grandpa’, as he likes the skulls and crossbones from the skullcap he wears whenever he’s out riding. He’d like me to paint it again on his helmet, while the other guy wants an eagle design from his skullcap on his fender.

My Last Year in My 20’s.

That’s right, it’s my birthday today, and next year I’ll be going into my third decade. I usually don’t pay much attention to the days of my birth; I’ve got some memories of a few, but not that many. My sweet sixteen was spent at the local pizza parlor playing video games with a bunch of friends, only one of whom I still actually talk to at least once a year.

But today seemed like such a hoot for me. It started out with a dream I had of a friend of mine from online. She actually made the trip down here last month to visit me, which only puts her high up on my respected friends list because of that reason alone. I promised I’d visit her next year, and am debating making it a birthday trip or a Halloween trip. I think I have to see first how my mom is planning the women’s get together first.

Anyways, so I dreamt that my friend was staying at a house that I used to babysit at, but from a time before the kitchen was redesigned. I kept on pulling fried chicken out of the freezer, to which it became the topic of discussion while I ate it. Sadly, the dream didn’t last long, as I was hungry and had to pee before the alarm clock went off…making me up earlier than usual.

The morning proceeded with some sleeping purrs from my little dumpling, to which later when she was up and about, she decided that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me, but instead attack her younger sister. And I say my cat is a mama’s girl…just not on my birthday.

I then got a call from my oldest sister and joked about whether or not my middle sister will remember to call me or blog about me today. I still love you even if you forget, Kermit! My oldest sister was surprised that I was up and about already, hoping to have woken my up. She then asked if Mom got to me already, but she didn’t. My bladder did.

Then when my boyfriend came down all dressed, sitting next to me while his daddy’s girl played his shadow, she immediately jumped on his lap. She loves his jeans and can’t get enough of his lap. The calico then proceeded to perk her rear up in my direction while he rubbed her back, and then released a rather stinky odor in my face. It’s her way of saying ‘Happy Birthday, Mommy!’ I’m sure.

But the fun doesn’t stop there! At work, and yes…I worked on my birthday…we get this phone call from some lady from one of our neighboring counties. I couldn’t tell where she got our number from, but she proceeded to give me her name, address, and told me how her landlord told her that she had an infestation of marijuana cockroaches in her apartment, and that she doesn’t smoke anything like that. I had to stop her right there and explain that she has the wrong number, since we are only a hobby and art supply store…and thus couldn’t help her. My boyfriend and I thus proceeded to look up to see exactly what a marijuana cockroach looks like to find that there was no such thing. This makes me think that maybe the landlord is doing the smoking…

After a call from my mom and changing out the display windows and putting up some sales signs for the shop, my boss drove me home. While I was pulling things out of the mail box, I found one card…from my favorite reference librarian! YAY! Probably the only card I’ll receive on the day of my birth, but I know I’ve got more coming, including a gift from my online friend mentioned above at a later date.

Ooo! And then I had a message from my dad from earlier this morning about my present. He had to call me back though, since he was on a conference call when I rang in. Whoops!

So, in keeping with the theme of fried chicken, my boyfriend went out and got us some KFC for dinner. While we were eating, our boss calls claiming she has a birthday present for me…and it’s one that my boyfriend isn’t going to like, and I’m doubtful that he’ll let me keep it.





Anyways, my boss happened to find a blue eyes, 7 (ish) week old Siamese kitten outside of her house when she got home from work! We want to think she’s a pure bread, which makes us wonder if she either snuck out and away from her owner or was abandoned. We’re not entirely sure, so we’re going to be contacting one of our local radio stations that announces missing and found pets, incase her owner is looking for her. And if not…?




We can’t really afford nor have enough room for a fourth cat, but deep down inside, I’m hoping we can either find her a good home, or my boyfriend will let us keep her. She’s just too precious to send to a shelter. Tomorrow I will be trying to get her to the vet for a check up and shots. Needless to say, our three girls…aren’t happy.

A Window into the Soul.

I like to draw eyes, especially when I’m bored and simply doodling. The shapes and lines in the eye fascinate me to no end. If you look back at my self portrait, I am admittedly drawn towards to the eyes and simply can’t stop looking at them. And so, in my creative slump…though I have a couple of projects I really want to work on but am not as ambitious to start as of yet…I decided to play with the chalk and oil pastel materials I have to draw a few eyes.



They’re primarily to play with the colors of the materials that I’m growing less fond of. Some time back, I went and bought some sets we had left over after ordering too much for teachers’ kits. Small sets ranging from 12-24 colors, and in playing with these sets, as well as the freebies I had gotten recently, I found that as much as I like having limitations…I don’t like having those limitations in colors. All the small colored pencil, chalks, and pastel sets that I have don’t satisfy me in range of colors. Yes, I know how to use two dark colors to make a darker tone of color, but sometimes there isn’t a second darker color to use…and thus I end up making the darker color lighter than I want. It’s rather frustrating.



I’ve already sent my niece some of the extra supplies that I’m not too fond of, but I believe it’s enough to satisfy her curiosity for the time being. I would love to send her more, but I want to know just how driven she is with the art bug before I throw more things her way to explore with. She is, after all, only 6 years old. It even takes me a while to get the most out of my supplies before I’m introduced to something new and want to explore it.



I am also finding, and this might be because of my training in the comic books art, that I actually like to heavily outline my subject matter. I’m filled with this need to make more outlines instead of putting in the effort to blend in the shades and highlights that would equally make the colored pieces pop out just as well. But I hesitate to use the color black, being drilled from my illustration classes that black is a major ‘no-no’ when it comes to color pieces. Even looking at past projects, I can see and understand why. It just looks horrible!

So…if these pieces were windows into my soul, I’d say they’d show the frustration I’m having with my materials. I don’t know if this means I need to find better quality materials, as we have a set of expensive chalk pastels left over from another kit, but I’m hesitant in buying them not for their price, but for the possibility that I won’t be too fond of the color selection they give me. The colors that are printed on the side aren’t much to go by, as a printed version of a color and how it actually turns out are two different things. That, and I have this nice…I think…100 piece set that I bought last year. I just haven’t wanted to unpack it from where I’m storing it yet. Not until I use up the stuff I’m not happy with first.