Changes and Inspiring Friends.

Moving is a big and major change. The one I embarked on earlier this year was probably the most stressful one I’ve ever endeavored. My best librarian friend was at first visiting me down in Savannah, and little did either one of us know that on his way back to his brother’s house, he’d be toting me with him. I was jobless and emotionally a wreck; I knew what needed to get done, but felt too numb to make any concrete decisions. When I started to move into the house and start my new job…I was determined to stay in my shell; that same shell that my Lady in Red had managed to pull me out of 15 years ago.

Taxim has managed to help me grow comfortable in my skin again with our late night video chats and role playing with our various characters on our favorite site. When I started to lose all desire to draw and paint, my best college friend suggested that I take a sabbatical, and reminded me when even though they maybe not be nearby, the friends that love me the most will always be around to lift me up again.

Whether I’m capable of thinking rationally or not during times of change and stress, I knew from the start that after living 30 years amongst nothing but rooms stacked high with clutter, I definitely needed to clear out some space to breathe. I remember the first year I lived with my last boyfriend; my sisters were coming to visit for St. Patty’s, and we still had yet to clear out any walking space from the front door to the living area. And the ex wondered why I was frantically going through my stuff to clear out, throw away, and simply remove it from my sight when we had a week before my sisters arrived. “Calm down, you don’t have to get rid of anything, let‘s just think it over before you do anything you‘ll regret.” We had a whole year to think it over, and nothing got done. How much more thinking did we need to do?!

And since I tend to be a great respecter of leaving other people’s stuff to their own devices, I left his junk alone and continued through the process of weeding out my clutter. My clutter, my past…everything that has been filling me with frustration as I piss and moan about moving it around and it all getting in my way. No more. I think I’ve successfully gone through roughly 1/3 of my stuff if not more, and a majority of it is in boxes in the dining room ready to be taken to Good Will or the Salvation Army. And if they’re not willing to take any of it, due to whatever new restrictions they’re putting on donations, well…then…guess it’s going into the trash!

It’s a cleansing process to me, one of which I believe has helped me clear away some of the emotional clutter that tends to keep me from opening up. I’ve got more open space in my bedroom, but am still working on clearing stuff out of the office. I think depending on how much stuff I have in the end will determine whether or not I turn the office into another guest bedroom. I know that I’m still hiding myself in my room most of the time, and I think having a secondary room like an office will help to get me out of it a bit more often. Or maybe I should claim one of the downstairs rooms for myself and turn the office into a guest bedroom. Then, if that hutch desk I want is still available, I won’t have to figure out a way of getting it up the stairs. Hmm…either way…I suppose that shelf unit will have to be moved again…



Really…this house is just too big for me. I either need to find a smaller place, or find me a roommate with a TV and gaming system to get me to get more interested in being around the rest of the house.



But…I think there is still hope for me yet. Karper…you remember him right? He wants me to illustrate his book. (Scratch that…he NEEDs me to illustrate some awesome children’s books he has in mind now. You see that? I‘m NEEDed! Or…at least my drawing skills are.) I’m not entirely sure how that’s going to work out, but he‘s actually got me excited about it! That’s a feat in itself! But getting to know him and the rare times I’ve had the chance to hang out with him have been…well…inspiring.



So much so, that while I was going stir-crazy from the seclusion I tend to put myself in, I emailed him about painting the living room wall. Just going off to get some random colors from the hardware store and turning them into something. He was all for it, but trying to work out a when for such an endeavor was proving to be rather painful; like pulling teeth. He’s always busy with something, and my work schedule is always inconsistent. Thankfully, over the ThanksGimme weekend, we were able to touch base and get something done; AFTER calling his mother a few hundred times and showing him off at work…just so the coworkers who didn’t know what he looked like got a better idea as to why the one who did know him started teasing me about him. Seriously, how he’s still single is beyond me…other than that busy schedule of his. Oy!



A quick McD’s lunch and laying out the drop cloth, and we were ready to roll! He wanted to do a forest scene with elves; I turned down the elves since this was the first major painting I was doing in…too long, and I’ve yet to feel confident in myself to even remotely draw any kind of figure for the moment. Though, I think Karper has this fixation on elves since our email chats talking about his desire to be a vampire and my beliefs that elves still exist. Either way, it still puts a smile on my face…I think just to be able to swap thoughts and ideas like that with someone again.



Anyways…though I really didn’t know what I had in mind as to how the painting was going to look, we had only a few short hours to get some progress done. So I gave Karper a paint brush, drew out a boarder and told him to paint me some sky while I mixed up some green for the ground. He thought it would be cool to have a day scene and a night scene, and then we rambled out some ideas of boarders, frames, a portal or vines…random ideas while I sponged in some clouds and he brushed in some grass. His involvement in the initial start of the project helped spark the creativity in my again, to which by the time he had to leave and I was left staring at the sky and grass…I figured out what to do with it.



And granted, it means that much of his original work will get covered up over the layers and layers of paint that I have and will continue to add over time…the fact that Karper has managed to get me to paint again is a feat that he should be rather proud of. I’m also doing my best to let him watch how the painting progresses…as he originally showed interest in seeing something being created. When I think about it, I’m not entirely sure if this is what he meant…or the fact that it’s viewed at a distance instead of up close and personal (something I can’t managed to do at the moment)…but what I’ve captured thus far seems to have captured Taxim’s and Senza’s interest…so…at least I know someone likes watching me paint, ruin the tunes to some decent songs with my horrid voice, and shake my hypnotic groove thang when the rhythm moves me.



So yeah…if you’re interested in watching over three hours worth of footage, be my guest. There will be more to come later down the road…but I think with as much as I‘ve accomplished, a break to let my mind figure out what to do with the other half is in store while I look through my reference photos is in order...



I’ve at least been assured that it won’t be painted over once Mom starts tearing up the floors and painting the downstairs!

Meet…

…and this is where I’m at a loss; primarily on how to spell this little darling’s name. The first time I saw it spelled was from Karper, when he was excited to hear from his mother that this sweet and adorable little bundle of fur instantly connected with me. However, upon looking at the vet records, the name is the correct spelling of the word she was named after. So…which would you prefer, Travellar (from the writer/English major) or Traveler (the correct spelling)?



I think I’m going to stick with Travellar. It actually gives it a more personal name feeling to me than the actual spelling of the word. That, and it gives me one more thing to pick on Karper about later down the road, along with not getting a hold of me for a whole month for apparently no good reason whatsoever. That’s right, buddy! I’m never letting you live that down! MWAHAHA!



She, along with her three sisters, were named after Karper’s cousin. The others are Shenanigan, Fluffy, and Rosa! Travellar was originally considered the leader of the litter, gathering up her sisters and directing them to where she wanted to go. She also had everyone fooled into believing that she was actually a boy! I was delighted at this fact, only because when I was little, I really wanted to be a boy so bad because boys got to do ALL the cool stuff! We were kindred spirits from the start!

When we first met, Karper’s mother was telling me how skittish and squirmy she tended to be when she would take her out of the cage. However, once she was in my arms…she was calm, relaxed…completely chilled out as she laid back and examined the barn from her view point. We were baffled, and I was in complete aw! It was like love at first sight, only she never really looked at me the entire time.




I wasn’t able to pick her up for another two week, though…because a certain sister of mine decided to highjack me for painting project she had in mind. It’s not entirely completed yet…but it’s getting there.



When Mom drove me up to pick Travellar up, Karper’s mother was beaming over the good bill of health all four of the kittens received, amazed that all four were girls, and ecstatic at how Shenanigan and Fluffy warmed up to my mother. Needless to say, they were grey…which Mom has a soft spot for…and they were all purrs in her arms. In fact, we hope to pick the two of them up later this week! Yes…they managed to worm their way into her heart, which means Travellar will get to visit her sisters every so often!

Her first night at my place was…well, scary! I live in a house that’s too big for me, and all the rooms besides my own are virtually barren. Yes, there’s furniture in them…but the minimal amount that makes it livable, but not cozy. Considering that I don’t use the rooms that often as it were, I suppose there isn’t much need for the cozy aspect…but I think the vast amount of space just put the poor thing on edge. She found a hiding space atop of a bench that was beneath a table in the living room, and gave me quite the scare when I couldn’t find her after eating my dinner while I let her explore!

So, I took her up to my room, put her in a bassinet that Mom had dropped off for Calista (because she used to sleep in it at her house, but hasn’t touched it since) and let her hide for the rest of the night. And trust me, she hid in it all of the night, and anytime I was away from the room the following day. She purred out of fear and stress, and as far as I could tell, didn’t leave the bassinet all night. Come morning, I scooped her out of the hiding place and showered her with affection, cooing quietly to her and bundling her up in the warmth of my embrace. It was then she remembered why she wanted to come home with me to begin with. Ever since, she’s explored every inch of my room, and has dared to venture out of it whenever I’ve given her the opportunities to.

She likes to fall off the edge of the bed, roll around all over my lap whenever she’s feeling affectionate, lets me rub her belly while she blissfully chills out, and otherwise runs amuck chasing after the toys on the floor. Travellar eats all of her food, uses the litter box often, and comes running to me when I open the bedroom door when I get home. Despite Calista’s hot and cold temper towards me about the kitten, I am truly delighted…happy…excited…and completely in love with the little motorboat as she brightens up my day with her endless energy!

Thank you, Karper and K-Mom!

R.i.P. General…

I went to bed early last night so that I could get plenty of sleep before getting up at dark-thirty to go to Harpers Ferry with my dad on my day off today. General YumYum woke me up 4 hours early, crying out and clawing at my face. He had been doing that for the past couple of days…pretty much since he got his vaccination shot. But I continued to keep him close until he decided he wanted to leave the bed, or lay down at my feet.

When we got back into town, I checked up on him before heading over to my parents’ house to move a headboard. Since Dad and I were heading over to the ski resort to look at this…unbelievable view…Mom offered to watch over the General while we were gone. Heading back to my house, I wrapped him up in the blanket he was delivered in to me when I first got him. Upon the leaving the house, he wriggled and squirmed, trying to lurch out of my arms. I caught him…and next thing I knew…he was gone.

We thought there were signs that he might revive, the way his body twitched, his mouth opening as if to try and breathe. The vet had me check for a heartbeat and movement in his eyes. He figures, though without a proper autopsy we can’t be for sure, that he might have had a pre-existing heart or liver condition, which might have been the reason why his mother abandoned him.

We buried him in my parents’ backyard.




It was just only two days ago I was saying how lucky it was when I took him in, or else some mean dogs might have gotten to him in my manager’s neighborhood. The few good things we could say is that he was cared for…happy during the short time he had…and didn’t die alone.

Meet General YumYum!

And this here would be the picture I sent to my friends and family over the phone the first day I got him! HE’S SO TINY!



He’s relatively 6-7 weeks old, and he was found by my assistant manager. While we were busy busy busy stocking up this week’s inventory, she calls out seeing if anyone wanted a kitten. She had found him in her cat’s cubby, and the little dear wasn’t coming out for anything. Her daughter managed to get him out, but he wouldn’t eat…probably intimidated by the other cats that wanted to sniff him. Even though my baby girl Calista has been very happy with the fact that she hasn’t had to share me or the house with any other felines, I caved and said I’d take him in.



I can’t help it! Where my sister goes and gets two kittens at a time from co-worker’s litters, I have to take in the singled out strays that appear out of nowhere! And for a lot of them, it feels like destiny. They found their way to people I know, be it friends, neighbors, or co-workers, only to wind up under my care.



And ooooooh how he is a charmer! Get down to his level, and he’ll come up and nuzzle in beneath your chin! Let him tumble around in your lap and he’ll fall asleep once he’s tuckered himself out. Then there’s his purrs! Endless! And he loves to hide! Usually beneath the dressers, but he’s managed to burrow into the folds of the blanket and hide in there while keeping all good and warm at the same time! He’s fur is super soft as well! He’s amazingly adorable, and kneads a lot…but I imagine that’s a kitten thing…to get milk and such. And he likes to nibble on my fingers! SO CUTE!



Kitten love is the best!



Oh right! You’re probably wondering why General YumYum?! Ha! I’m such a dork. So, I missed out on the chance of naming Ko-Ko YumYum…because neither I nor my boss could remember the female cat’s name from ‘the Cat Who’ murder mystery books with both read. So the last kitten I got was named Ko-Ko because that name just stuck out. So I figured that if this one was a girl, I could just name it YumYum and be done with it. But then I thought…well, what if it’s a boy? But I still like the name YumYum…so, I figured I would add General in the front. It makes it masculine PLUS it ties in the fact that I got it through work…being Dollar General. SOOO that’s where I got General YumYum!



Also we’ve got my friend’s voice in there! Taxim is from England, and I’ll occasionally video chat with him. Well…he’ll talk, as I don’t have a microphone for my laptop yet…and I’ll just grin stupidly at him because I’m a sucker for British accents and chocolaty brown eyes. Though honestly, I think this kitten is going to give my friend a run for his money. Soft little fluffy bundles of purring are for more adorable than silly English guys!

Anyways…on a different note, as this little bundle of joy has pretty been the one good thing to happen in a couple weeks’ worth of not so good things…you might find me blogging less and less. I’m going through some personal changes that require a lot of my free time outside of work. Consider it as a cleansing period as I purge myself of the clutter that’s been bogging me down, and removing myself from the art world. My ‘Big Brother’ considers it as a sabbatical, until I can get my artistic fuse back…but since I’m downsizing so much of my stuff, I’m sending my art supplies to my sister and her kids to play with. They’ll make better use of the stuff instead of letting the paints dry up…waiting for me to decide if I ever want to use them again, and such. I’m hoping that in the end of it all, it will help me to focus on getting my candle business up and running more so than anything else.

Carved Candles.

I’m telling my friend Keni about my carved candles, and eventually had to show him a picture of one just to give him a better idea of what the hell I was talking about. The first impression most people seem to think is…”Oh neat! Could you carve me a wolf?”

No.

Those are molded candles, for the most part. I’m sure there’s someone with the skills to go take a chunk of wax and go about carving the figure of whatever’s heart’s desire and all…but since most 3D related art and sculptures have never been my forte, I can guarantee that I will not be making such candles without the aid of a prefabricated mold. End of the discussion.




However…THIS…the image above…is what I’m talking about. Carved ribbon candles! This one up above in fact was carved by myself probably about a good six or so years ago. The white wax unfortunately has started to fade at the bottom, but time will do that to anything that involves dyed colors. BUT THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE.



Karper came over one time and took a look at one I had managed to have unpacked at the time, and instantly wanted to learn how to make it. He’s got a lot of energy about him, wanting to learn and teach…but it was good to see the enthusiasm in his eyes when I talked to him about the processes that go into making these candles. Even one of my managers was happy to hear that I have a plan…or a hope, or a dream to work towards. She says too many people don’t have them around here; that…or don’t express them so openly.



And I honestly wouldn’t mind teaching other people how to make them! It’s really a beautiful and relaxing craft to learn, and great for someone like me who wants to get things done quickly…as you don’t have much time to mess around with it to begin with! Back in the day I was the one teaching the roommate I used to work with at the time. The company I want to order my supplies from does things just a little differently from what I learned, but only to be conducive towards not using full length wicks, but instead using oil wicks…which in my opinion is a lot better because then you don’t have to worry about accidently burning or melting the design. I learned that as much as you can give people instructions on how to care for your candle when burning it, they never pay attention to what they’re doing.



BUT OH! When you do light them up! The way the colors glow! It’s the most enchanting thing! I swear, I could get lost just watching the flames flicker from deep down inside a well burned candle and just marvel at the way the colors light up. Truly a beautiful sight to see, but not so well captured on the camera…at least not by myself. And there’s so much more you can do with them! If the well inside is deep and wide enough, you can plop a smaller candle, like a tea-light or votive, inside and let it burn…even the scented ones! It becomes a candle holder! How many candles do that and still look just as pretty, huh?



Do you see what it is I’m saving my money up for? I heard there’s a shop in Hawaii that sells them, but there isn’t one in Savannah anymore! I left the shop I used to work for roughly 2-3 years before they closed down. That place had stayed open for…roughly over 20 years. And then…the original older sold it…to which it was given as a wedding gift by the bride’s father. Apparently the husband and wife who I used to work for used to work for the original owner. I was told it was thriving back in those days, before they were given ownership of it. And somehow, they ran it into the ground! How sad, right…but it was primarily because they never got anything shipped out on time. How do you expect to keep happy customers if you don’t get their order done in time, right? Plus…you don’t see these kinds of candles everywhere. Scented candles, you see them all over the place! But these? Hardly anywhere, right? I’ve searched online, and can’t find a place that carves a decent one. Always someone’s attempt at them, but nothing as well crafted as what I’ve seen and made.

I plan on starting out small. I won’t be able to open a shop right off from the start, but my sister’s been telling me that as a female making less than the average yearly income, I should be able to get some grants to help start a business up. But all the research I’ve done in the past has left me rather confused as to how to get it. Honestly. Something always made me hesitate in taking that step forward; probably all the legal mumbo-jumbo that’s written in such huge and complicated words that I can’t understand what it is that I’m reading. Why can’t lawyers and government officials use laymen terms?

I think I need to have a garage sale…get rid of the crap I’ve got stored away with absolutely no use for.