Side Panels.

I would say that compliments give me confidence, but I have many friends who have told me how wonderful things look…only for them to find that I still doubt myself…basically not believing them. It isn’t until I get a compliment from whom it matters, such as the guy I’m painting these panels for, that my confidence is boosted. Why? Because I know from experience that when something doesn’t turn out the way one hopes…it shows. And that expression…intended or not…makes me feel like I’ve failed. And I have more than enough failures in my life that cause me to doubt myself a hundred times over.

But for right now, I’m pushing those aside. He likes the back panels, now that I know how to make it look, now that I’ve got the system down…now that I know that I’ve done something right…the side panels will go by more smoothly. Not to mention that their size is a lot small in comparison to the 6ft long background. I’m starting with the one side that doesn’t involve any background scenery at all. Just clouds and the foreground mountain expansion. How I loved painting the clouds earlier! I’m so excited to paint them again. I know you can’t see any of the detail in the previous pictures…but they’re a bunch of little squiggly lines! It’s so neat how they bring out the fluffy texture in them!




The one thing you’ve got to understand about me is…well…that I love the line. Not the straight line, from point A to point B in the shortest amount of distance. Apparently, according to an ex-co-worker of mine, I’m incapable of drawing a straight line, even with all the rulers and related tools because I’m left handed. And here I thought it was because I was just inertly a messy person, and such straighten and clean lines go against my nature. Boy how I’m ALWAYS wrong! Well, at least to him until I was proven right that Kokomo was performed by the Beach Boys and NOT by Jimmy Buffet! HA! Take that ‘Mr. Know-it-All’! …hey…I take my wins when I can…

No no no…I like my lines messy…thick and thin, squiggly and curvy. They reflect that natural flow of the earth, wind, water, and fire…none of which are EVER straight and to the point. Free flowing. That’s how they should be, especially when capturing and replicating bits and pieces of nature such as in this painting. I smile…and I feel at peace for the moment. Ah…enjoy it while it lasts…

The second panel, made for the left hand side of the layout, is still a bit. There are flat spots from the layout…which yes, with the back layout I had to deal with that, but in a whole separate way. Here, there are two flat spots…and blending them into the mountain is the challenge. I think it’s just a matter of making it look like it’s been cut off by the mountain. Hence…why the track wasn’t built to go any further. Yes. That’s what I’ll do. Commence affirmative nodding.




And now…I’m done. Next Sunday…hopefully…I’ll have pictures up of the panels with their layout! Before and after shots! Let’s see how it all turned out!





"They look great. And I love the clouds. I can't wait to get my hands on them." Oh yes...there shall be more ear splitting squealing.

The Foreground.

I’m hesitant. A lot can and will go wrong with the foreground, primarily when it comes to the color and texture of the mountains and hill. I don’t and am unable to get the original model mountains here to make sure everything is right…and it scares me. I’ve got photographs of it, thanks to the gentleman who hired me to paint this…lighting can change so much between one place and another. So…again…I’m hesitant, but will push forward.

And it only goes to show the lack of confidence I have in myself. And in reading my sister’s blog, I can see there are times she feels the same way concerning everyday trials…raising a family for the most part. And yet, she has the awe inspiring ability to stand up in front of a large group of people to sing her heart out…something I can only manage to do as long as I’m hiding amongst a choir of other people. I’m deathly afraid of being singled out, the center of attention in front of a large audience. I remember peeing my pants on stage when I played a wizard in the Beauty and the Beast production for a small kids theater group we had; not to mention I had a hard time remembering my lines. From that point on, I’ve been convinced that I am incapable of memorizing anything. How I managed through a student written play during my senior year in high school is beyond me. I still don’t know how I agreed to perform it on stage, I would have been happier with a rinky-dink video recording of it.




But yes…I lack confidence in myself. The foreground terrifies me, and I’m scared to move forward. And there are other times I’m so confident in myself…I can’t figure out how to get back there. I suppose there’s just no forcing it on yourself…is there?

Experimenting is an important factor as well. Any good artist must be willing to experiment with their materials. Me…this is the second time I’ve used the aqua oil set I bought myself earlier to help explain to customers what it’s like. So much for that…I can honestly say it’s got the same consistency and feel for regular oils, but mixes well with watercolors and doesn’t require any of the solvents and mediums used to lengthen or hasten the drying process, nor to thin out the paint or clean your brushes. All you need is water. It’s refreshing in comparison to the company’s acryla-gauge, which is basically their solution to making acrylic paint less shiny/plasticy when it dries. Which is all fine and dandy until you realize that the glob of paint on your palette doesn’t remoisten after it has dried…SO not fun and a major waste of paint when you don’t know this.






I finally opted to go with a textured look…blending of colors to give it the right feel for the scheme, but not in any way attempting to try and match up the rockwork that will seem more detailed in the actual mountain model. Without the actual model here to compare and line up it’s the best I believe I can do. Besides, I would want more focus on the model layout itself than on the background, considering that’s the major work that got put into it by the man that built it! I even boldly went as far as to add whisks of grey into the background mountains…which I might add…helps to unify them with the foreground mountains.





But do you want to know what he said when I sent him these last couple of images above, to show him how I was doing…?

"The panels look wonderful. I wouldn't change a thing. I'm very pleased."

Commence ear splitting squealing!

Adding Grass…and Happy Trees!

I’m using too much water…which can’t be helped as my gauge and watercolor paints are all dried up and need water in order to loosen the pigment up again. And I seem to be having a problem in getting the shades and highlights right. It all just looks…muddy. I don’t like it looking muddy. It makes me think of my classmate’s project, back in my Painting for Illustrators class. He decided to do a collage of character faces from the Star Trek Series. I think mostly from the Next Generation more so than the rest of the shows. And his faces, especially the ones for the Klingons were…muddy. Ugh! There was no definition of high lights and shades in their faces…they looked bland and flat…and I’m afraid my plains are going to look the same way!

And using too much water isn’t helping any at all, because it makes it all look shiny before it dries, which means I have to wait until it dries up a bit before I can see how muddy it’s turned out. I know…a sign of impatience, and I’m sure there’s a lesson of patience to be learned here…which only makes me grumble and piss and moan to myself and random people who might happen to be online while I’m working on this. Breathe in…breathe out. All. Will. Be. Well.

If anything, I had to remind myself how to go back to dry brushing. It’s not all that hard to go back into, and I think that’s what I was trying to do before hand. Dry brushing is a very good way of making the grassy texture I was going for. However…it is a horrible waste of paint. If though you end up using small dabs of it, over a large amount of space…you end up using more and more and more and more…which can be very expensive if you’re not careful. So…for the most part, I’m trying to be careful, so I don’t wind up using more paint than I intended to. I think I’ll be mixing my base green up another five times before this project is through, though.

The more I look at this in comparison to the pictures of the original layout, the more I’m not liking how the mountains are turning out. They’re too brown…and not grey enough. I might just end up adding more white…more snow to them, as was seen in the original image I was using as a reference for them. References are key to making a good…plausible landscape setting. As it would with a cityscape and ocean view as well. It just…looks more real, more believable. I should definitely be fixing the mountains before I add in the trees.








And adding more snow doesn’t seem to be satisfying my dislike for the mountains. I had this problem when working on my dad’s submarine painting. I couldn’t get over something I didn’t like, that I thought wasn’t working out…and eventually gave up on fixing it only to find that…well…when you step back, it made the painting come together. So I’m putting my dislike for the mountains aside, and heading forth into painting the trees. Paint the trees, Cere…and you’ll see that it will turn out better. Trust yourself in this.

Heh…guess it only goes to show that I don’t have much trust in myself, huh? I should. I really should. I’ve got several other people, family and friends telling me how wonderful a person I am…how open and free spirited, not a drown of the ‘fashion/style/what’s new and wonderful and have to be a part of it like everyone else’ world…that I’m uniquely my own person and am more talented than I give myself credit for. And I’m overjoyed and amazed when someone values my skills more so than I believe them to be worth. Amazed…considering that most of the time I can’t get much recognition for my work. I’m not entirely sure why, though it might be do with my anti-social tendencies. I’m tired of the conventions…dealing with mass amounts of people…it’s the noise, honestly. I like peace and quiet.

And it might be why I’ve done better when I’ve picked up a commission during a primarily one on one conversation. Or a three way conversation…but either way…the crowd is smaller, and it is then that I get excited about the piece. My enthusiasm shines through more so in a quiet setting than it does in a noisy one. So…now…upon thinking about it and comparing personal experiences, I figured out now that though I might not be able to gain the recognition I might crave, or think that I want…but if I continue with just those personal conversations…one person at a time…then at least I’ve made a small step forward closer to being recognized. Heh…besides…aren’t the smaller things in life more precious and worthwhile?

Haven’t I always said that writing your thoughts out helped? Is anyone out there enjoying the chance to see how I make my revelations and help to bring peace to my scrambled mind again?

I did add trees, as you can see. But I didn’t get to type in my problems with them. My roommate had decided to occupy my computer by showing me Bob Ross’ ‘Happy Tree’ video footage…which made me laugh and reminded me of my high school friend that I had mentioned earlier a week or two ago. However, as appreciative I am of my roommate’s want to help me through my frustrations, he disrupted my routine, which made me more agitated than I normally get when I’m painting. Though…just looking at the thumbnails before I transfer the pictures from my camera to the computer…the trees kind of give a sense of depth to the painting…I think…