Changes and Inspiring Friends.

Moving is a big and major change. The one I embarked on earlier this year was probably the most stressful one I’ve ever endeavored. My best librarian friend was at first visiting me down in Savannah, and little did either one of us know that on his way back to his brother’s house, he’d be toting me with him. I was jobless and emotionally a wreck; I knew what needed to get done, but felt too numb to make any concrete decisions. When I started to move into the house and start my new job…I was determined to stay in my shell; that same shell that my Lady in Red had managed to pull me out of 15 years ago.

Taxim has managed to help me grow comfortable in my skin again with our late night video chats and role playing with our various characters on our favorite site. When I started to lose all desire to draw and paint, my best college friend suggested that I take a sabbatical, and reminded me when even though they maybe not be nearby, the friends that love me the most will always be around to lift me up again.

Whether I’m capable of thinking rationally or not during times of change and stress, I knew from the start that after living 30 years amongst nothing but rooms stacked high with clutter, I definitely needed to clear out some space to breathe. I remember the first year I lived with my last boyfriend; my sisters were coming to visit for St. Patty’s, and we still had yet to clear out any walking space from the front door to the living area. And the ex wondered why I was frantically going through my stuff to clear out, throw away, and simply remove it from my sight when we had a week before my sisters arrived. “Calm down, you don’t have to get rid of anything, let‘s just think it over before you do anything you‘ll regret.” We had a whole year to think it over, and nothing got done. How much more thinking did we need to do?!

And since I tend to be a great respecter of leaving other people’s stuff to their own devices, I left his junk alone and continued through the process of weeding out my clutter. My clutter, my past…everything that has been filling me with frustration as I piss and moan about moving it around and it all getting in my way. No more. I think I’ve successfully gone through roughly 1/3 of my stuff if not more, and a majority of it is in boxes in the dining room ready to be taken to Good Will or the Salvation Army. And if they’re not willing to take any of it, due to whatever new restrictions they’re putting on donations, well…then…guess it’s going into the trash!

It’s a cleansing process to me, one of which I believe has helped me clear away some of the emotional clutter that tends to keep me from opening up. I’ve got more open space in my bedroom, but am still working on clearing stuff out of the office. I think depending on how much stuff I have in the end will determine whether or not I turn the office into another guest bedroom. I know that I’m still hiding myself in my room most of the time, and I think having a secondary room like an office will help to get me out of it a bit more often. Or maybe I should claim one of the downstairs rooms for myself and turn the office into a guest bedroom. Then, if that hutch desk I want is still available, I won’t have to figure out a way of getting it up the stairs. Hmm…either way…I suppose that shelf unit will have to be moved again…



Really…this house is just too big for me. I either need to find a smaller place, or find me a roommate with a TV and gaming system to get me to get more interested in being around the rest of the house.



But…I think there is still hope for me yet. Karper…you remember him right? He wants me to illustrate his book. (Scratch that…he NEEDs me to illustrate some awesome children’s books he has in mind now. You see that? I‘m NEEDed! Or…at least my drawing skills are.) I’m not entirely sure how that’s going to work out, but he‘s actually got me excited about it! That’s a feat in itself! But getting to know him and the rare times I’ve had the chance to hang out with him have been…well…inspiring.



So much so, that while I was going stir-crazy from the seclusion I tend to put myself in, I emailed him about painting the living room wall. Just going off to get some random colors from the hardware store and turning them into something. He was all for it, but trying to work out a when for such an endeavor was proving to be rather painful; like pulling teeth. He’s always busy with something, and my work schedule is always inconsistent. Thankfully, over the ThanksGimme weekend, we were able to touch base and get something done; AFTER calling his mother a few hundred times and showing him off at work…just so the coworkers who didn’t know what he looked like got a better idea as to why the one who did know him started teasing me about him. Seriously, how he’s still single is beyond me…other than that busy schedule of his. Oy!



A quick McD’s lunch and laying out the drop cloth, and we were ready to roll! He wanted to do a forest scene with elves; I turned down the elves since this was the first major painting I was doing in…too long, and I’ve yet to feel confident in myself to even remotely draw any kind of figure for the moment. Though, I think Karper has this fixation on elves since our email chats talking about his desire to be a vampire and my beliefs that elves still exist. Either way, it still puts a smile on my face…I think just to be able to swap thoughts and ideas like that with someone again.



Anyways…though I really didn’t know what I had in mind as to how the painting was going to look, we had only a few short hours to get some progress done. So I gave Karper a paint brush, drew out a boarder and told him to paint me some sky while I mixed up some green for the ground. He thought it would be cool to have a day scene and a night scene, and then we rambled out some ideas of boarders, frames, a portal or vines…random ideas while I sponged in some clouds and he brushed in some grass. His involvement in the initial start of the project helped spark the creativity in my again, to which by the time he had to leave and I was left staring at the sky and grass…I figured out what to do with it.



And granted, it means that much of his original work will get covered up over the layers and layers of paint that I have and will continue to add over time…the fact that Karper has managed to get me to paint again is a feat that he should be rather proud of. I’m also doing my best to let him watch how the painting progresses…as he originally showed interest in seeing something being created. When I think about it, I’m not entirely sure if this is what he meant…or the fact that it’s viewed at a distance instead of up close and personal (something I can’t managed to do at the moment)…but what I’ve captured thus far seems to have captured Taxim’s and Senza’s interest…so…at least I know someone likes watching me paint, ruin the tunes to some decent songs with my horrid voice, and shake my hypnotic groove thang when the rhythm moves me.



So yeah…if you’re interested in watching over three hours worth of footage, be my guest. There will be more to come later down the road…but I think with as much as I‘ve accomplished, a break to let my mind figure out what to do with the other half is in store while I look through my reference photos is in order...



I’ve at least been assured that it won’t be painted over once Mom starts tearing up the floors and painting the downstairs!