A Square Peg in a Round Hole.

This is a conversation I had with my Assistant Manager earlier this month.

Me: ~goes up from behind and scratches AM’s back~ Rawr. ( I tend to do this a lot to most of my coworkers, and they all seem to enjoy it. )
AM: What, you’re a tiger now?
Me: Yeah, sure.
AM: Does Karper call you his tiger? ( Because everyone at works like to tease me about having a drop dead gorgeous guy as a friend who I refuse to date. They’re under the impression that there’s something wrong with me, since I give him Hershey Kisses whenever he asks for a kiss. It’s not like he really specifies what kind of kiss…besides, that’s what he gets for calling me sweet. ;p My dad would say Karper doesn’t know me very well. XD )
Me: No. But my sister used to call me her Little Tiger, because of my eyebrows. And Taxim calls me his Tigress, and I call him my Little Tiger Cub. Karper just calls me a dryad.
AM: A what?!
Me: Dryad. D-R-Y-A-D. Dryad.
AM: What the hell is that?
Me: It’s a tree spirit. ( Simplest explanation that doesn’t involve boring her to death. Something my friend Kyla is proud of me for; I have social skills! ) I like to climb trees, so Karper says I’m a dryad.
AM: Girl…there's something not right with you. You need to get some lovin’ from Karper’s oven.
Me: o.O What…? What exactly is that suppose to do?
AM: I don’t know! It just sounded good at the time!
Me: XD

For the most part, it seems that my Assistant Manager believes that everything she finds weird about me would easily be fixed if I get a man in my life. “What, so I can be as miserable as you?” “Exactly!” I guess she’s trying to find something in common with me to piss and moan about…that has nothing to do with work. Thus far, it isn’t working.

I’m just not like most people in this town.

It was brought to my attention a month before said conversation that the Pregnancy Test shelf was completely empty. All we had left were the expensive brand that was kept up at the register. “Wow…seems like nobody can keep their legs closed around here.” Thankfully excluding myself; a joy of preferring to be asexual. When I thought about it while talking with a couple of women that had brought the bare shelf to my attention (because this happens more than once), I admitted that I had been selling a lot of Pregnancy Tests in the past couple of days, usually two to three at a time. Thus, I decided to predict that there would be a Baby Boom in town around spring time. “Well, I hope they’re at least married.” One lady commented. “A small percentage didn’t look like they were out of school yet.” “Well, there’s nothing to do around here except for making babies.” Said the other lady; which again makes me so glad that I don’t have much of a life outside of work and my long distance friends. Considering the tears I’ve seen out of some girls that immediately take the test in the store bathroom…suddenly being pregnant when you’re not ready for it is a stress I don’t ever want to experience.

Later on, a guy came through my line wearing a shirt that stated: “Virginia might be for Lovers, but Pennsylvania is for Intercourse.” If that’s the case, then I’m living in the wrong state. >.<

I can’t remember what we were talking about, but another guy…a regular customer who comes in on a near daily basis was asking what my boyfriend thought about…whatever it was we were talking about. “I can’t say. I don’t have a boyfriend.” “Oh? Why not?” “Don’t want one.” “You didn’t switch teams, did you?” “No…spent the past 15 years dating and pretty much got tired of it.” Most of the time people can’t believe I’m single to begin with...insert a variety of compliments on youth and beauty which is nice and all, but…it gets repetitive after a while. Especially the…”Oh if I were ‘x amount of years’ younger, I’d make sure you were never alone”…from the same older men over and over again, usually ranging in their 60’s to 80’s. To which I have to confirm the age they think I am and amaze them with how old I really am…insert more repetitive compliments to which I smile and giggle politely and be thankful that the sales transaction is over and I can move onto the next customer. I really get my kicks from the guys younger than me that think I’m younger than them. “When someone looks like they’re younger than me, I always ask their birthday when they buy lighters.” “Wait…younger than you?” “I’m 31.” O.O “NO WAY! You don’t look 31!” “I know.” Plaster big-ass grin on my face while refraining from flat out laughing in their faces.

I wish I was paid $10 every time someone gave me a compliment. I wouldn’t have to work ever again.

I’m constantly told it’s because I don’t have any kids. Well…that works for me, because I don’t want any kids. I love my nieces and nephews, but when it comes to infants and little kids…I really have no patience for them. “Oh, that’ll change once you have one.” No. I know of several cases where that’s not true, and I’m pretty certain that I would fall under that same category. I usually try to avoid such conversations these days, because it seems that most mothers have the same mind-set: I’m wrong about what I like and don’t like, and they’re always right. Just because I look like a child doesn’t mean I think like a child. I am capable of looking at a variety of perspectives and coming to a rational and logical conclusion. Just don’t expect me to agree that your way of living is the right way for me. We all can’t find happiness in the same thing, or else we wouldn’t be uniquely individual.

Thankfully, my two best friends from work understand that I’m not like most women. They love me for my weirdness, and know that I enjoy doing my own thing instead of following the norms of society. Mama Karper considers me blessed and/or lucky for not being tied down, as she goes on about how she and her husband differ on so many levels. They all have my deepest respect and admiration.

As much as I seem to be a square peg in a round hole here in town, I’m thankful for the friends I do have here, and love them so very much. They help to keep me sane in this otherwise insane town! XD